I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
