I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
