I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
