I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
