piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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