i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sorry about my life...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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