I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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