Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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