how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We are all done wearing pants today
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize