No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
