Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
