How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
