just come out here and I will go home with you...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
