oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just pee around me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
