You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
