He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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