is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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