now i know why i became what i already was.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
