I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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