Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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