i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
