i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
