I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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