if i died would you start the facebook group?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
