I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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