i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
