I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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