someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Text me some of your sweat
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
