Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
