i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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