Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
