my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
