i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Is Oprah even human
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
