He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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