i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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