I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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