i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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