Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize