I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
