I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have already put on my inside pants.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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