"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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