every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
