Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
