i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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