We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
