Grow some girl-balls and come out already
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
