my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
