I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
