I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
