Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
