Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
