the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
