Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
