So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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