So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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