In America we eat man semen.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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