I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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