Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
