Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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