that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize