Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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