now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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