Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
