Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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